I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
