just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
