she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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