I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
