Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
