Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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