Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
