What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
