Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
