Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
