You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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