I hate your face
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
