I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize