Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
