Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Don't make out with my wife yet
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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