Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
false alarm. still invincible.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
