Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
