You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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