that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
