how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
