Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
