Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
