just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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