i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
