I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
