NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
time to smoke my breakfast
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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