I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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