Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
