Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
