There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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