I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
