i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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