so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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