Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize