# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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