i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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