Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
