I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
