Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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