It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
