we have officially lost it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
