I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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