Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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