you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
In America we eat man semen.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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