I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
