My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
