Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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