Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
