Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
