i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
