He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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