I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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