Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
