when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
