I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
false alarm, still single
Randomize