The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
