You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
