there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
