omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
