mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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