I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
