Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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